So I have been asked to write about the concept of unconditional love. The topic came up because of my new, beautiful, bad ass, handsome, dog – Yoda. So far so good with dog ownership. We’ve spent a lot of time with him, and he is loving all the attention. Leaving during the day is tough, and I am having a hard time putting him in the crate as I am told to do.
Anyway – so my good friend BL said to me “You should write how beautiful it is that he loves you unconditionally, you know, write about unconditional love and how great it is.” I said “sure I’ll write about unconditional love… I think its a load of hooey.” So here we are. Side note: In some ways I wish I were as sweet and kind as BL – everyone loves him. Then again my rationality is one of my most treasured traits. So…
I don’t think unconditional love exists. I believe in conditional love – but not unconditional love. To me there is nothing better than loving something for its merits. Intelligence, beauty, wit, humor, health, power, etc. All of these are reasons to love. Deceit, malice, immorality, weakness, etc. All of those are not reasons to love. To me the word love is such a complex word and has so many different meanings to different people that one can’t assume understanding through the word ‘love’ alone. So here is my definition of love:
Love is a deep appreciation of the virtues of another thing or person. Its a feeling of harmony with that virtue deep within your own being.
As stated earlier – I believe that love is the appreciation of a virtue. Reaching this harmony brings about the feelings of happiness, excitement, and comfort. This does not happen with every person one meets. In the case of the love between individuals there is a certain unspoken bond that happens between two people. I have found that this usually is understood quickly, and then fades – or grows over time.
If one had the capability to love unconditionally then what would one love? Everything? Everyone? Then love would not be love, it would simply be existence. Love is not existence, it is a special, rare, feeling that happens occasionally – and for good reason.
hmmm your reasons to love someone seem pretty shallow. What about people that have no discernible merits…Do they not deserve love? You can’t explain a purely human, very irrational thing like love with a quasi rationalization. It’s not that simple although I am sure most wish it were. Watch out your atheism is showing!
I have to disagree with you on this point Withers. I think it’s easy for a ‘rational’ person like yourself to assume that unconditional love doesn’t exist, but it does. And if you say you love something or someone unconditionally, it doesn’t mean that you love everything and everyone in the same manner. Absolute love is possible, but it depends on how selfless one can be. I don’t believe that anything or anyone is deserving of such love, but there are circumstances that earn such love. I think if I check in on you later in your life, you will possibly form another opinion on this subject (or not.. lol)!
the thing is that there are many more states of feeling then there are words. So…. i here withers speak of a state of fondness… which is nice. But i think there is something where unconditional love blends in with compassion. And although we can talk about such things, I have never known of a conversation leading someone to this state of being, it happens through time and the cultivation of emotional intelligence. I would say unconditional love / compassion, is a state of being where one asks what is it that this person i am in relationship to would be best supported by? Its a sense of genuine concern and a quality of caring about the wellfare of others around you, because you feel their pain. I consider this to be an arduous quality to attain, and the pinnacle of human potential.
Todd I think you hit it on the head when you said “the thing is that there are many more states of feeling than there are words.” We each have different views of what the word love means.
I view ‘love’ as something special that is not necessarily reserved for all people. Love is something that is earned based on some kind of merit or virtue. Compassion is another concept, and semantically I am claiming that they are different. For me, compassion is something we feel for others in need. A hungry person needs compassion, but I would not say unconditional love factors in there. If the hungry man constantly maces me everytime I see him I am not going to ‘love’ him.